


I think I might love you... Bro.

by CallMeHopeless



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, a little bit of angst i guess, aquaintance to friend to lover, college students, neigbours, nerds, probably more character coming up, will try to make it humerous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeHopeless/pseuds/CallMeHopeless
Summary: Arthur immediately fell for his next-door neighbour Merlin when he moved into student housing a year ago. For some reason, he can't seem to get to know the guy and all they have are awkward moments in the hall... until he hears Merlin crying next door, that is.





	1. Chapter 1

When Arthur woke up, he groaned loudly. _Stupid, fucking music_ , he thought angrily. It didn't matter that it was 12 o'clock on a Saturday. He wanted to sleep. He did certainly not want to listen to the pop punk he could make out through the walls. Especially not, when the tenant next door was singing along.

He rolled over and placed his hands on his ears as to make the sound go away but it didn't help. It was awake. He stared up at the sealing, trying not to imagine what the boy next door looked like right now. Whether or not he had just gotten up and his short black hair was in disarray. He didn't want to think about whether or not he was dancing to the tune and smiling.

He.

Did.

Not.

Okay, so full disclosure. Arthur had moved in the tiny apartment on campus a year ago, when he started his studies on Medieval history. He had thought that it had been a good deal, especially for student housing which could be really expensive. What he had not bargained for though, was the dorky, lanky boy next door whose smile could outshine the sun. Arthur hated him. Okay, since this is supposed to be a heart to heart, Arthur did anything but hate the guy. In fact, the word his sister Morgana used was pining. Pendragons didn't _pine_ he had retorted and that had been that.

 

He slowly decided to get up and walked over to his living room slash kitchen slash study room and put the kettle on. While he waited for the water to boil, he was able to hear his neighbour's enthusiastic voice screaming out “And I thought you loved me still”, to a melody that Arthur had never heard. But then again, pop punk wasn't really his genre.

He thought back to when he had first met Merlin. He had been living in his flat for a week or so, before someone came knocking on his door. Someone with a bright smile, even brighter eyes and someone who thought a too big hoodie and thick woollen socks were okay to wear (in all honesty? It should have looked horrible but Arthur already felt a tingling sensation in his stomach at the sight).

“Hiya, neighbour! I'm living right next door, I'm Merlin,” he had said, extending his hand for Arthur to shake. Arthur just nodded.

“Er, Arthur.”

In hindsight, he could see how his one-word answer might have scared Merlin off because he was never that buzzing and smile-y when they had met afterwards and Arthur was actually trying to avoid it. As much as he didn't want to admit it, but the more he saw of Merlin, the harder he fell for his neighbour. He really didn't want to admit it to himself but he kind of was turning into a cliché of a 13 year old girl, in love with someone she had never properly spoken to.

Over the one year he spent living next to Merlin however, he had learned a couple of things.

Number One: Merlin loved singing. Arthur loved listening to it.

Number Two: Merlin loved helping people. Arthur had witnessed more than once how Merlin helped the old lady from the apartment complex next to theirs with her groceries.

Number Three: Merlin was always polite. He held doors open for people (even for Arthur, even though his smile looked a bit more strained than with others), and greeted them in the hall (again: tight lipped smile and a hello was all Arthur got but he was going to take it).

Those three things were enough for Arthur. Plus, he thought Merlin was extraordinarily cute. With or without socks and sweaters. So yeah, one could say Arthur was pining (he wouldn't, though!).

 

Merlin only stopped singing and dancing when Arthur had made himself comfortable on his bed again, sipping his tea and he couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed. Soon after the music had stopped, he heard Merlin's door open and close again and Arthur felt like he could breathe a little more freely. He knew how pathetic he was. Knew how this was something he couldn’t control because behind his tough and (hopefully) butch outside, he was a really big softie on the inside. If you asked him how many romcom DVD's he owned, he would always laugh and say none, when actually _27 dresses_ was his favourite movie.

But enough of that now, he had a day to live. Not that he had anything on, so he settled for revising for the moment. He studied for at least two hours, before the door next door was opened loudly and shut equally loud. He really didn't try listening because it made him feel like a creep but the walls were so thin that it was almost impossible not to hear the loud bang next door, followed by soft, muffled sobs.

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks and listened while contemplating what to do. His sunshine, this absolute ball of happiness next door was crying and he wanted nothing more than to go over there and ask what it's about. He really wanted to. He should, shouldn't he? Merlin was crying and alone, at least he shouldn't be alone, right?

In a spur of the moment kind of thing, Arthur grabbed his chocolate cookie tin (which might or might not be in the shape of a TARDIS), his keys and found himself standing in front of Merlin's room. _Just knock_ , he told himself repeatedly but somehow, his hand wouldn't move.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reaching up and knocking three times against the door.

Instantly, everything became silent and Arthur didn't dare to open his eyes.

He only did, when he heard the key being turned in the lock and the door opening slowly. He looked straight at Merlin's surprised face.

“Arthur,” he whispered, trying to cover up his face with his sleeve.

“Hi, uhm,” Arthur looked at the floor before holding out his TARDIS.

“I heard you, uhm, be sad and I thought you might need... need...” _me_ , his mind supplied unhelpfully but his mouth luckily settled on “chocolate.”

He looked back up and instantly wished he hadn't shown up because Merlin looked absolutely shocked and didn't move to take the jar from Arthur's hands.

Arthur kept darting glances between Merlin and the cookies, before Merlin seemed to snap out of it.

“Yeah, uh, sure, uhm. Well, come in?”

He stepped aside as if to let Arthur through but fixed him with a look that Arthur really couldn't read. He stepped in and the first thing he saw was that the flat was identical to his. Same wooden floorboards, same narrow bed, same badly equipped kitchenette.

He put the jar down on the small table (also identical to his), before he turned around.

Merlin hesitantly closed the door and walked to his kettle.

“Tea?” he asked as if the two of them were constantly having tea together.

“Uhm, sure, thanks.”

Arthur wanted to punch himself. He was in over his head. So much in over his head.

“So, uhm,” he said, playing with a lose thread on his sweater.

“I know you don't know me well or anything but uh, I just couldn't... not... I mean the walls... are thin and I just wanted to say,” he took a deep breath, “that if you want to talk, that I'm...” he gesticulated widely with his hand, hoping Merlin would understand. Funnily enough, Merlin looked like he was suppressing a smile. “You're...?” he prompted.

“Here,” Arthur finished lamely and let his hands fall back, accidentally hitting his thigh.

All signs of a smile quickly vanished as Merlin just stared at Arthur.

“Are you offering me a shoulder to cry on?”

Arthur spluttered and ended up just shrugging.

“I, well, I guess?”

“I thought you hated me?”

Arthur furrowed his brow.

“Why, why would you think that?”

Merlin didn't say anything while pouring hot water into two mugs.

“Well, you always seem so... serious, when you see me and when I see you around campus, with... with your friends or something, you're always smiling... so I figured I must have done something you didn't like all that much.”

Arthur swallowed hard because nothing could be further from the truth. He wanted to tell Merlin as much but the small smile playing around his neighbour's lips distracted him. Suddenly, Merlin was in his personal space. Closer than he had ever been before, handing him one of the steaming mugs.

“Thanks,” Arthur managed, feeling a bit breathless.

“You're welcome,” Merlin answered while a short sniffle escaped him. He still had glassy eyes and looked a bit red in the face.

They stood there in silent for a while, sipping their beverages and looking at anything but each other.

“So uh, are you okay?” Arthur finally asked and Merlin smiled.

“You tell me, am I?”

Arthur had no idea what that was supposed to mean and he said as much, which made Merlin smile again.

“Well, I like to think that I am,” Merlin answered.

“I just... sometimes things get too much.” When he didn't elaborate, Arthur opened his mouth to say something, anything but closed it again.

“Like, I have so much uni this semester and I work a lot to... you know, live... and somehow my best friend decided that I am not worth his time anymore and he just gave me back all of my stuff I left at his place because...” Merlin scrunched up his face and made quotation marks with his fingers “I am one of the cool kids now, Merlin, I cannot be seen with a nerd.”

Immediately, Merlin's face softened again.

“But you would know all about that, wouldn't you?” he smiled sadly at the ground.

“Seeing as he's now part of your football group.”

That was, when it clicked in Arthur's head. The new kind... Ronald? Ray? Something starting with an R, kept following the whole team around like a small cat. Especially Arthur, seeing as he is the team captain.

Somehow, a short laugh escaped him.

He shook his head.

“Seriously? He let you go for _us_?”

When he next looked up, Merlin fixed him with a serious look. As if he was trying to figure him out.

“As I said, he is one of the cool kids now.”

That statement hurt Arthur in placed he didn't know he had and he just indicated the small cardboard box on the floor.

“These your things?”

Merlin nodded without looking away.

“Anything indecent in there?”

Merlin spluttered.

“Like what?”

Arthur shrugged, way too much in his 'I need to protect my feelings'-mode than to try not to act the football captain that he was:

“Dunno, porn magazines, underwear... the likes?”

Merlin shook his head while Arthur placed his mug behind him on the table and went to pick up the cardboard box.

He nodded at Merlin.

“Come on,” he mumbled while walking to the door. He opened it and hoped that Merlin would follow when he opened up the door to his own apartment.

Just when he walked over the threshold, Merlin came after him.  
“Arthur, what are you doing?”

Arthur placed the box on the table and opened it.

“Awesome,” he exclaimed when he pulled out a _Gameboy colour_ and at least three different Pokémon games. He placed them just underneath his television.

Next, he pulled out two _Deadpool_ comics and fit them between his on his comic shelf. Merlin looked on with open surprise.

“Are you stealing my stuff, Pendragon?”

He just shrugged.

“You can have some of mine in return. I just don't want you to feel like nobody wants your presence around,” he picked up a set of Cards against Humanity and held them up.

“Especially when your presence comes with all of this awesome stuff.”

He grinned and Merlin couldn't help but grin back.

“Jeez, Arthur. Had I known I was living next to a nerd, I would have brought over my stuff a long time ago.”

The happiness about having Merlin in his appartment threatened to overtake Arthur and he couldn't stop smiling as he put away the rest of Merlin's things. That was, until Merlin decided to say:

“We are going to be such great pals, bro,” and buddy-punched Arthur.

Only then, his mind registered what was happening.

And he didn't like it.

At all.

Was he being friendzoned?

 


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur didn't know what to say. Or to think. Or to do. Or... anything really. On one hand, he enjoyed it immensely that Merlin now greeted him in the hall and that they sometimes even talked for a few moments. He wasn't the biggest fan of how 'cool' Merlin was. Buddy-punches left and right, 'bro' here, 'pal' there. Arthur couldn't think of anything why Merlin would act that way except for... Arthur was mortified. If Merlin had found out about him...? Had he really been that obvious? Was he pining too openly? He always felt like he was playing things cool. Suave. But that really was the only explanation he could come up with. But unfortunately, that had been it. Only quick 'hellos' in the hall. Nobody had been to anyone’s flat, no matter how much Arthur wanted Merlin back in his own apartment.

“Hey Merlin,” he said when he closed his door behind him and Merlin's just opened.

“Hi neighbour,” Merlin replied with twinkling eyes.

Arthur hated how twinkly they could be (no, he really didn't).

“Uni?” he asked. Play it cool. He had read somewhere that _real men_ weren't supposed to talk more than a couple of words at a time. Not that he believed in that sort of nonsense. He could say as many words as he wanted to god-damnit. But he felt like maybe he should try it out, lest he made his feelings for Merlin even more obvious than he feared they already were.

Merlin groaned.

“Work, you?”

“Uni, four classes today...football practise...do-able,” he smiled tentatively. He wasn't yet comfortable with smiling at Merlin. Mainly because he felt like if he did smile at him, his feelings would be more obvious than ever.

“Nice, have a good one,” Merlin grinned and walked past him to the stairs.

“Uhm, Merlin?”

Merlin turned around, surprise visible on his face about being called after. Nobody was more surprised than Arthur though, because he hadn't planned on saying anything else or even knew what to say next.

“How are you, really?” He chose to ask.

Merlin nodded, knowing what Arthur was really asking.

“Fine. Bit lonely but we all know that feeling, yeah?” he tried smiling and winking (Arthur would obsess over that wink later, for the moment he was caught up with how sad Merlin looked) to conceal his true feelings.

“Sure, sure...,” Arthur ran his hand through his hair nervously.

“You uh, want to come over later? Like in the evening? Pizza, yeah? And like... Video games or something?”

Yes, Arthur thought. Yes, yes, yes. He asked. He was mortified. What if Merlin said no? Why the hell did he ask? What was he think-

“That sounds actually so awesome!”

-ing. Wow, okay, he would be having Merlin over. Okay, cool.

He nodded, trying not to shake too visibly.

“Cool. I'll be home at around 7, you just come by whenever.”

Merlin smiled his blinding smile (and really, who was allowed to have a smile as bright as that) and nodded enthusiastically.

“Cool, see you later, Arthur.”

Arthur nodded, trying to find something to say, anything to say. Apparently Merlin didn't even need him to say anything because he just left. He left Arthur standing in their hallway with shaking knees.

Arthur slapped himself lightly and mumbled: “Get your shit together, Pendragon. You're pathetic.”

Then, he made his way to uni.

 

*

 

Ever since Merlin had told Arthur about what a dickhead the new guy on the team was (he really ought to ask for the name of the bloke but he was quite content with calling him 'the dick'), he hated him and tried to walk away from him as far as possible. It wasn't as if The Dick was even good at football. Arthur had a talk with the trainer about his abilities (more lack thereof) but all he got was a 'just accept it' and he could have sworn that their coach had mumbled something about favours and old friends. Well then, Arthur thought, he couldn't do anything about him being on the team but he could do something about him being accepted as a part of it. After all, he was the captain and as stupid as it sounded, he was going to make use of it this time. Only thinking about this ugly mug of a guy telling Merlin he is not good enough made Arthur's head spin and he wanted to punch the guy.

This was such a day.

“...and I finally gave him back all his stuff. I was like... dude, I can't be friends with you if all you want to do is get in my pants.”

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks. He was on his way to his locker, when he heard The Dick talk from the direction of the showers. Maybe he should have one himself, he thought. He undressed and made his way into the showers, where The Dick was still talking.

“Hey Gwaine,” Arthur nodded at his friend who looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“Hi Arthur,” TD (to keep it simple) said happily.

“I'm just telling the story about how I told my former best friend that I don't wanna see him again because...”

“He's gay,” Arthur said seriously.

“Got it. You talk quite loudly.”

TD grinned and nodded while getting bodywash all over himself. Arthur put shampoo in his hair and started massaging his scalp, telling himself that he could think about Merlin's sexuality later on. He had a different task at hand in the moment.

“Gwaine,” he spoke up and locked eyes with his friend.

“You know that _Deadpool_ comic we talked about? Where Deadpool kills the Marvel universe?”

Gwaine nodded enthusiastically. Anything to steer the conversation into another direction.

“My neighbour has just gotten his back and he said we could read it. Wanna come over sometime?”

Gwaine was Arthur's best friend, which is why he knew all about Merlin already and knew when and how to react.

“Yeah, sounds cool. I like your neighbour.”

Arthur nodded, “Me, too.”

TD laughed.

“I just gave my former best friend his _Deadpool_ comics back. He is such a loser, he has them all. I mean, dude, come on? Superheroes? I know he's just reading them because of all the muscular men in tights.”

Arthur raised one eyebrow.

“Is there another reason for reading them?”

“Well, uh... anyway, do you like superhero comics, Arthur?”

Arthur nodded before turning to Gwaine again.

“Yeah so _Merlin_ 's coming over tonight for video games. Thought about maybe getting _Call of Duty_ off you later?”

“Sure, mate, whatever you need.”

“Cheers.”

Arthur shut his eyes and let the warm water wash over his body.

TD had gotten awfully quiet and Arthur cracked one eye open to look over to where he was currently washing his way too long hair.

“Merlin, you said?” he finally asked, looking straight at Arthur. He nodded.

“Yeah, he's my neighbour.”

“And he has just gotten his comics back...”

“Yup.”

“You do realise that I have been talking about that same guy for the past ten minutes?”

Arthur turned the shower off and placed his towel around his waist.

“I do.”

“Arthur, I have to warn you. He's gay. He's probably going to come after you at one point. Just like all he ever wanted was to get _me_ into bed.”

Arthur had to bite the inside of his cheek not to freak out.

“I don't think I'm his type,” he finally ground out.

TD laughed loudly.

“As if he has a type. He'll do any guy who's not running fast enough in the other direction.”

Arthur walked towards him and only stopped when he was very close to invading the other's personal space.

He crossed his fingers in front of his teammate's face and winked.

“Here's to hoping.”

He then continued to walk to his locker. Satisfied with the sound of someone slipping and falling in the shower and the sound of laughter coming from his best friend.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Of course, Arthur was at home at 6pm sharp. He thought he had to clean up a bit before Merlin knocked on his door. The apartment and himself that is. Unfortunately, when he first walked through the door, he was trying not to have a mental breakdown.

 

A couple of things:

  1. He could not believe that he kind of outed himself to TD. It had taken him a year until he was comfortable enough with Gwaine to tell him.

  2. He basically told TD that he would not object to Merlin wanting him. Which was true but the memory still made him cringe.

  3. There was a chance of Merlin knowing both of these things right now. He didn't know the kind of company TD and Merlin kept... if they had a couple of friends who were friends...

  4. Merlin was coming over in an hour and Arthur looked like absolute crap. Training had been a bitch and his hair was in disarray, his clothes dirty and he felt like he smelt like a whole changing room of sweaty men. It didn't matter that he had another shower _after_ practise. He would have to take another one (and hope that his skin would tolerate the obsessive use of water and soap on it).




 

An hour and three (or five) outfit changes later, Arthur was ready for Merlin. He felt cleaner, his hair was artfully tousled, he had practised a pout in front of the mirror for 5 (or 25) minutes and he felt pretty good about himself, when it finally knocked on his front door.

Slowly, he stood up. After all, he didn't want to seem over-eager.

He opened the door and looked straight into Merlin's smiling face.

“Hiya!”

He smiled right back because it really was hard not to.

“Hey, come in.”

Merlin walked past him and placed a huge take-away bag on the table. He looked almost sheepish, when he turned to Arthur.

“I er, thought I'd bring over some food. I hope you like Thai? I hope you haven't eaten, yet... I got a couple of things, like noodles and curry because er, well, Dan said you eat a lot...” Merlin blushed and stopped rambling. Arthur had to concentrate to keep his features relaxed because the bubble of happiness he felt inside was threateningly close to bursting out. He had a feeling things would turn weird quickly, if he randomly started hugging Merlin and never let go.

Instead, he made his way over to his new friend and peeked into the bag.

“Smells great, Merlin,” he grinned.

Merlin grinned back and seemed a bit more relaxed than he had been a moment before. Arthur raised one eyebrow:

“Who is Dan, though, and how does he know things about my eating habits?”

“Uhm,” Merlin blushed, “the guy I told you about? Ex-best friend?”

_So much for a name, starting with “R”_ , Arthur thought.

“If you even call former best friends ex'...I don't actually know. Anyway, apparently he watched you eat a couple of times?”

Arthur raised his second eyebrow as well.

“He _watched_ me eat a _couple of times_?”

Arthur thought he would have to sit Merlin down soon, if he continued to turn into deeper shades of red. It simply wouldn't do if his neighbour suddenly started to faint in his living room.

“I, uh,”

Arthur laughed and made his way to his mini fridge.

“Merlin, relax. All good. Thank you for the food. Would you like something to drink? Beer? Water?”

He turned back to look at Merlin, who had fixed him with an unreadable look in return. 

“Water would be fine, thank you.”

Arthur got one water and one beer out of his fridge and urged him to sit down and get comfortable on his very small couch.

Arthur hadn't even thought about this before but when he sat on that couch with Gwaine, they were always touching hip to hip. Luckily, Merlin was skinnier than Gwaine, because Arthur didn't know how he would survive an evening pressed against Merlin's side. He opened up his beer and handed Merlin the water, who in return pointed to the different container of food he had placed on the small table in front of them.

“Curry, spring rolls, noodles, fried rice,” he grinned at Arthur almost like a 5-year-old who had just helped his mother put the groceries away, feeling utterly accomplished. It was endearing and Arthur couldn't help but smile at Merlin fondly. He was aware of it, while he was doing it and he still couldn't stop. This was going to be a problem.

He was pulled out of his stupor, when a fist collided lightly with his shoulder.

“Dig in, bro.”

Absent-mindedly, Arthur rubbed the spot, where Merlin had just 'punched' him.

“You're a real 'bro', huh?”

Merlin was mid-chew (he had chosen the fried rice and currently balanced the container on his knees), when he looked at him. He swallowed before he asked:

“What do you mean?”

Arthur shrugged.

“Dunno, the buddy punches and you do say 'bro' a lot?”

Merlin started turning red again, before pointing his chopsticks in Arthur's direction.

“I kind of have to, don't I? Isn't that what the cool kids do? I mean,”

he pointed between Arthur's shirt (and really, it was a normal t-shirt) and his hair and the beer in his hand, “you're one of those 'real man' types, aren't you?”

Arthur laughed. He hadn't known what kind of answer he had expected but to be honest, he had no idea what Merlin had just said.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“What is that supposed to mean,” Merlin echoed in a deeper voice than his own.

“You're like one of those guys who are on the cover of GQ. Like you have this scruffy look with the hair and the stubble and you drink beer like it's water and probably spend your Saturday afternoons 'down the pub, watching a footie game with the lads.'”

Arthur couldn't help but smirk.

“Something bad about that?”

Merlin whipped his head around, looking directly at him.

“No, jesus, no! I am actually trying to be friends with you, here!”

Arthur laughed a full on, head-thrown-back laugh and shook his head.

“Well, buddy, as much as I enjoy the punches, I am pretty sure our friendship isn't depending on... whatever it is you think it depends on.”

Merlin had started playing nervously with the carton of his rice.

“Thing is though... is our friendship depending on me being straight?”

“Huh?”

Merlin turned red again (and if Arthur wasn't so horrified that it seemed to happen for the most stupid reasons, he would find it cute), and babbled:

“Dan must have told you by now. He... kind of. Well he has known for a while now... but when he found out, he said it didn't matter to him and now... I guess it does a bit.”

Arthur didn't say anything at first, trying to contemplate whether or not he should try to get TD kicked off the team again.

“Arthur?”

Arthur's head snapped up and Merlin was looking at him so openly and vulnerable, that Arthur wanted nothing more than to hug the boy in front of him. But he was quite sure that they weren't there (yet).

“Well, yeah, he kind of told me to keep away because you'd try to molest me at one point,” Arthur rolled his eyes and wanted to go on, but was interrupted.

“Arthur, I would _never_. I promise, I would _never, ever, ever_ say anything weird or touch you or anything like that!”

Arthur swallowed hard. Well that was... comforting to hear. A row of “never, ever, ever”'s rang through his head while he was trying to remind himself of what he wanted to say.

Oh right.

“No, I know. I mean, apparently he thought that you were in love with _him_.”

What Arthur had intended to say as a joke, now came out in a hoarse voice:

“And I thought to myself, naaah, Merlin has better taste than _him_.”

It seemed to have the desired effect, of course, because Merlin scrunched up his nose.

“Merlin does,” he said solemnly.

“I mean... ugh, no.”

Arthur laughed but it sounded hallow to his own ears.

“See, just what I thought. Now, wanna watch a film or play a game?”

 


	4. Chapter 4

Somehow, Merlin had heard about what Arthur had told Dan in the showers. Instead of giving Arthur weird looks, he was currently lying on Arthur's mini-sofa, legs dangling over the side, laughing.

“Brilliant. That's what you are, Arthur. Has anyone ever told you?”

Arthur was crouching in front of his mini-fridge to get another beer and smirked.

“Well yeah, everyday but I enjoy hearing it,” he finally answered and walked over to where Merlin was smiling up at him.

“You're brilliant.”

“So you've said, now scoot over.”

When Arthur settled down next to Merlin, he couldn't help but look at him. Every time he saw him, he found him more and more beautiful and the fluttering in his stomach when Merlin had called him brilliant was threatening to make him overflow with happiness. He knew that he was absolutely, hopelessly whipped and not only because he thought that if there was only one sound in the whole world that he wanted to hear forever, it would be Merlin's laugh. He became self-conscious around him. Arthur had never had any troubles with asking for what he wanted, to take what he wanted. When it came to Merlin however, he sometimes felt like he couldn't speak and the mere thought of being rejected by him made his insides hurt. They did this fairly often now. Just sitting on Arthur's couch playing some video games or watching a film or series.

Sometimes Merlin brought food, Arthur always brought the beer.

Arthur loved every second of it and hated it at the same time. It physically pained him to be so close to the object of his affections but couldn't do anything about it. 

 

***

 

Gwaine gave Arthur a friendly pat on the back.

“You mate, are ridiculous. Why don't you just ask him out? I think my ears are going to start bleeding if you don't stop talking about him soon.”

Arthur looked up from where he was hunched over, staring at the ground thoughtfully.

“Are you insane? Have you seen me?”

Gwaine looked him up and down and gave him a thumbs up.

“You look positively rugged, mate. Like, I'd most definitely would hook up with you if I were interested in male genitalia.”

Arthur groaned but had to laugh at the same time.

“Thank you for that. One, I don't want to just hook up-”

Gwaine's eyes widened at that.

“Are you saying you want a proper grown up relationship with this boy?”

Arthur said nothing but looked at his friend seriously.

“Oh shit, you do, don't you?”

Gwaine ran his hand through his hair.

“Jesus, Arthur, I didn't know it was this serious?”

“Really?” Arthur huffed, “soon I'll be waxing poetry about how his eyes crinkle and his nose makes this really cute-”

“Alright, stop it!” Gwaine exclaimed and put his hands over his ears.

“You are scaring me!”

Arthur was glad that nobody was around to hear them. They were sitting in the almost empty cafeteria, which was pretty normal for a Friday evening. Arthur kept glancing around him anyway, just to make sure that their conversation would keep private.

"Anyway," he continued, "two, I am very certain that I am not his type. Merlin wants... he needs... someone who is like him I think. I don't know what I could bring to the table. Yeah I'm alright at kicking a ball but other than that? He needs someone as smart as him, as handsome as him and I'm just..." he sighed and stayed silent after that.

He never thought he would admit to having feelings for another person which could be compared with something out of a Jane Austen novel but here he was. One minute away from asking Gwaine to take a turn about the room with him and re-telling every single instance of Merlin smiling over the past few days.

Gwaine watched him in silence for a while before he suddenly stood up.

“Alright, let's go to your room, yeah? I brought Call of Duty,” he indicated his bag.

Arthur just nodded, feeling tired.

“Yeah, alright.”

 

***

 

When Arthur woke up, his neck hurt and he felt awful. He looked around himself only to discover that he was in his own bed but still had all of his clothes on (which was good, or bad, depends on how you look at things). Slowly, he made his way into his living room/kitchen/workspace and turned the coffee machine on. He found a note taped to his television.

 

_Wakey, wakey!_

_I hope from now on you'll think twice about trying to make a drinking game out of Mario Cart with me!_

_See ya!_

 

Arthur groaned. That was right. For some reason, he had felt competitive the night before (to rid himself of any thoughts concerning his next door neighbour) and drank himself into oblivion in the process. Why the hell did he think he could win anything against Gwaine? He poured himself a cup of heavenly smelling coffein and lay back down. It was a Saturday morning after all. Nothing exciting happened on a Saturday. He slowly made his way back to his bed and sunk into his pillows. A content sigh escaped his lips and he closed his eyes. It was absolutely quiet and he couldn't hear a single sound, until...

Music started blaring from behind the wall he was currently resting his head against. It was loud and it was violent and nothing he would have ever thought Merlin would listen to. Did one even consider that kind of noise singing? Screaming more like.

For a moment, Arthur tried to figure out if the music meant that Merlin was in a bad mood and in a moment of bad judgement, he thought he would try out the phone number that Merlin had written down for him a couple of nights earlier. Arthur hadn't found the courage to text him until that moment.

 

**You okay?**

 

He typed, feeling as if that was casual enough to not make Merlin think of ulterior motives.

He didn't have to wait long for a reply but frowned at his phone:

 

**Sure thing, bro ;) You?  
**

 

Again with the bro. Arthur had thought that after having that one conversation about “bros”, that would have been it. Merlin hadn't used the term since. Where was this coming from? He instantly froze. It couldn't be that Merlin – for some inexplicable reason – had come over the night before and Arthur had said something inappropriate, could it? No, he decided. He would remember _that_. Maybe they had been too loud and had kept Merlin from sleeping which was what he was trying to do to Arthur right now? Arthur wasn't sure. The only thing he knew for certain was that he didn't like Merlin sending him text messages, containing the word “bro” at all. On the other hand, that meant that Merlin hadn't caught on to the fact that Arthur harboured very un-bro-ly feelings for him, right? Arthur sure hoped so. _Well_ , he finally thought. If this kind of music was making Merlin's day better, who was he to judge? With that, he drifted off to a very uneasy slumber. The still almost full coffee mug that was placed on his bedside was completely forgotten, as was his phone which lit up with new messages in quick succession.

 


	5. Chapter 5

When Arthur woke up, he felt slightly better, still a bit groggy but that was to be expected. He looked to his bedside table and saw his coffee and phone lying there.

“Aw man,” he muttered. He really had to stop making himself coffee only to forget about it afterwards. He picked up his phone and scrolled through the seemingly endless notifications. His brow furrowed and he became more confused by the second. For a moment, he contemplated to reply but decided against it. Instead, he called the person who had felt the need to send him about a hundred confusing messages.

“Gwaine, what's up,” he asked while yawning and running his hand through his hair.

“So, er, uh, have you read my messages?”

“Well yeah but they are extremely incoherent, hence me calling you to ask what's up.”

“So... we both know I am incredibly smart, right?”

Whenever Gwaine started a conversation like that, Arthur immediately knew that his friend had done something extremely stupid.

He closed his eyes again, resting his head on his pillow.

“Yeah...”

“Merlin came by last night.”

Arthur jumped into an upright position on his bed, eyes widening with every passing second.

“Gwaine, what did you do?”

“Nothing bad, I just thought I was being funny.”

Arthur had to actively try not to scream.

“Gwaine, I'm going to ask again. What did you do?”

There was silence on the other line.

“He _might_ be under the impression now that we _might_ be hooking up.”

Arthur didn't even know what to say to that.

“What do you mean? Spill, now, or else!”

Gwaine and he both knew that he was good at making empty threats but he always meant them when he said them. That, Gwaine also knew.

 

“Alright, jesus. Okay, so you were kind of passed out on the couch, yeah? And he knocked and I promise, my intentions were completely amicable... So he knocked and I opened and his entire face seemed to fall and I told him 'Hi, what can I do for you' and he said he's Merlin and that he just wanted to see if you wanted to do something. And then he saw you lying on the couch and I chuckled and told him what happened and then on second thought, I thought that maybe you didn't want him to see you like this so I carried you to your room-”

Arthur squeezed his eyes shut at what Gwaine told him. Only him. These thinks could only happen to him. The fact that Gwaine couldn't seem to stop talking was a bit odd, though. He must really feel guilty because this was an outright ramble and Gwaine didn't ramble.

“-and I came back and he stood there and I kind of chuckled? You know how I am. Friendly. Or trying to be. And I asked him to, you know, sit down and take a controller and play with me and whatnot. And suddenly he asked if I was planning on spending the night. And I just shrugged because I was tired and I thought about just sleeping on your couch so I said yeah maybe if you made enough room in the bed. It was a joke, honest! But somehow he just looked at me wide-eyed and then I said that you could be so exhausting in bed because you're a cuddler and I didn't mean anything by it. So suddenly he goes red in the face and he asks me if you're gay and that's when my mind caught on, you know? About what he must be thinking. And jesus christ, Arthur how are _you_ expecting to get anywhere with _him_ if you don't let him know that _he_ could get anywhere with _you_? Anyway, he left in a hurry and now I feel like I might have ruined your chances.”

 

Gwaine finally stopped talking and Arthur just pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Alright, okay, what do I do now?”

“Tell him there is nothing going on?” Gwaine suggested.

“Yeah, I can't do that outright, can I? It sounds like I am defending myself and he'll catch on to my...”

“Infatuation with him? As he should. Arthur... nothing will happen between the two of you if you don't man up and tell the boy how you feel.”

The sheer imagination of a situation like that made Arthur shiver and he just shook his head.

“I can't.”

Silence.

Silences with Gwaine were becoming a recurring phenomenon and Arthur really didn't know if he liked it.

“Okay, alright, I know I fucked up last night. I do know. But here is the deal. If you don't tell him, I will.”

It was Arthur's turn to be silent. He was shocked into not speaking and he became paler and paler by the second.

“You there?” Gwaine asked after a moment.

“You absolute idiot, you almost gave me a panic attack there. You will do no such thing, I will... handle it.”

He then hung up and decided that the best plan was to confront Merlin directly.

He glanced at the time on his phone and when he saw that it was only noon, he nodded to himself and got up. He showered and got dressed before he stood by his door and waited for something to happen. Sure, he could just go over, just say 'Hi Merlin, fancy meeting you here? Funny thing, me? Gay. Gwaine and me? Not so much hooking up' but somehow he couldn't. So he just stood there, like an absolute creep and waited for something to happen. He had already pocketed his phone and wallet just in case that he would actually have to leave.

Arthur stood there for about an hour before he could hear the door next to his open. He quickly opened his own and stepped outside. He then closed and locked it. Only then, he looked up and straight into Merlin's smirking face.

“Rough night?” he asked.

Arthur chuckled nervously.

“Yeah, remind me to never ever try to win anything games related to Gwaine ever again.”

Merlin laughed but somehow it sounded hallow.

“Will do, buddy.”

Buddy.

Arthur shuddered.

“Gwaine said you came by last night.”

Arthur felt like sticking to the thruth was the best way to go.

Merlin nodded and took a step forward to stand right in front of Arthur.

“Yeah, played a bit with him. He's fun. But then again, he does have the reputation of being fun.”

Arthur squinted.

“I can't really figure out if I find it funny, creepy or cute that you seem to know so much about the football team.”

Merlin laughed loudly.

“Oh it is very cute I'll have you know. I have pictures of you guys all over my bedroom wall and I stare at them longingly every night because I am just too clumsy to kick a ball.”

Arthur's mouth went dry. Of course he knew that Merlin was joking but the thought about Merlin having his picture up was too much for him. How had he ever been a normal functioning human being? Also, he had to pinch himself subtly in the thigh to refrain from crying out loud: 'Yeah you're cute!'

He decided to just wink at Merlin in an attempt to be funny himself but the lack of reaction made him think that maybe he wasn't as suave as he liked to believe (actually, he knew he was anything but when it came to Merlin).

Merlin pointed in the direction of the staircase.

“You headed out?”

He seemed a bit off, a bit uncertain. Arthur nodded.

“Yeah, you?”

Merlin nodded.

“Grocery shopping.”

Arthur nodded again.

“What a funny coincidence, me too.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

They walked down the road in silence. It was obvious that Merlin tried to keep as much space between them as possible, which meant that Arthur's insecurities kicked in in full force. Was it something he said? Did? He honestly didn't know what. Did he really have to tell Merlin that Gwaine and him weren't... like that?

“Soo,” he finally started, unable to take the tense silence anymore.

“So,” Merlin grinned at him but it felt fake.

“What do you need, from er, the shop?”

Merlin shrugged.

“Oh you know, essentials... some fruits and veggies, gotta keep healthy and all.”

Arthur nodded – probably too enthusiastically.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“And you?”

“Huh?”

“What do you need?”

_You_ , Arthur's mind supplied unhelpfully before his mouth caught up with the current topic:

“Veggies, yeah. I was thinking about making summer rolls.”

His sister Morgana, was absolutely enamoured with summer rolls and couldn't stop talking about the “delicious, healthy trend of 2016”, so naturally it was the first thing that popped into Arthur's head.

Merlin laughed.

“Wouldn't have pegged you for the summer roll kind of guy.”

“I'll have you know, Merlin, I am fairly exceptional.”

“I know.”

 

Merlin said it so softly, so earnestly, that Arthur couldn't help but look at him in wonder.

“You're also an incredible prat,” Merlin said after a beat of silence and the atmosphere was gone.

Arthur laughed.

“Who are you calling a prat?”

“You, you dollophead.”

Arthur feigned being offended but couldn't really keep a straight face.

“What the hell is a dollophead?”

“In two words? Arthur Pendragon.”

Arthur had to laugh again and only barely got out:

“Only you, Merlin” between two fits of laughter.

Merlin looked incredibly accomplished and their conversation came to a halt, when they arrived at their local supermarket.

Merlin grabbed a basket and started putting seemingly random fruits and vegetables in there, whereas Arthur felt compelled to only select salad, paprika and cucumber, in order to keep his summer rolls excuse up.

“Oh, you weren't kidding,” Merlin exclaimed when he saw Arthur adding a pack of rice paper to his basket. Arthur blushed. What was he supposed to say?

Merlin took a closer look at the contents of Arthur's basked and snorted.

“You doing a fancy dinner for Gwaine or something?”

That remark however brought Arthur back to reality.

“Why would I be making any kind of fancy dinner for _Gwaine_?”, thinking about his friend's phone call from that morning, “He can starve to death for all I care.”

When his gaze landed on Merlin's face, the younger man looked at him with open curiosity.

“You guys didn't have a fight or anything, right?”

Arthur blinked at him slowly. This was his chance, he could just...

“Well no. I just...” Arthur didn't know how to say it without making Merlin feel stupid.

“I'm guessing that he is spending tonight with his hookup of the week? Dunno? Let _her_ cook for him. I only cook for someone special.”

Merlin was clearly confused. He scrunched up his nose just a little bit and Arthur loved when he did that. Like he was trying to solve a puzzle and even his nose wanted a part in it.

“You... Gwaine. I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that you two were... together.”

There it was! The moment Arthur had been waiting for!

“Gwaine and I? Ugh, hell no,” he said trying to make it as clear as possible.

“We're mates. One, he's straight. Two, after you've seen him do his after-shower-dance after footie practise, you would never _ever_ be able to see him in a romantic way and three, I am kind of hung up on someone else.”

Arthur was trying to do the right thing. Trying to make Merlin understand that there was nobody but him but the nobody but him part kind of didn't really leave his lips. His mouth just wouldn't open, the words just wouldn't come out.

Arthur knew that his little speech had backfired when Merlin's face looked obviously... was that disappointment?

“I'm sorry,” Merlin finally said.

 

“I didn't want to pry. I hope you and the someone you have your eyes on will be very happy together.”

 

Arthur didn't, couldn't, wouldn't take his eyes off Merlin. His stare became more and more intense before he said:

“Me, too.”

 

They were soon done with shopping and walked back to their apartments in silence.

 

Arthur felt it was too silent.

“What about you, then?” he blurted out, wanting to know the answer to his question for a while now.

“Anyone on the horizon? Romantically?”

Please say no, please say no, please say no.

 

“I guess,” was Merlin's answer before he sighed.

“I'm kind of really into this boy but I think he likes someone else.”

 

Arthur's heart sank. He knew he shouldn't be happy about Merlin's crush liking someone else but suddenly, he felt like this could be good for him. He could comfort Merlin. Steal his affections away from the other guy.

“I'm sorry,” he said, trying to sound sympathetic.

“If he likes someone else, then he's not worth it anyway.”

 

Merlin laughed but it sounded strained.

“He is pretty special actually.”

Arthur snorted. Special my arse.

 

“Let me tell you what,” he announced, trying to come up with any kind of plan.

“We'll go home, I'm making summer rolls and you come over and eat them with me while watching a rom-com which we will never tell anyone about. And if you do-” he squinted his eyes at Merlin, “- I will deny it.”

 

Merlin looked at him with a shocked expression for a moment and then started to giggle.

“Oh boy, this is going to be so sex and the city, isn't it. Will there be Cosmos?” he paused, looking like he wanted to say something else.

“I thought you'd only cook for the boy you like.”

When Arthur looked at him, he saw that Merlin coloured a bit,

“Sorry, I just, Gwaine told me you were, that you liked...”

 

“I do,” Arthur cut him off.

“Have you seen their butts?”

 

The confession made Merlin laugh again. He'd told Arthur a couple of weeks prior that he loved watching youtube videos and vloggers. Troye Sivan being one of them. Naturally, Arthur had instantly watched all of his videos, including the new-year songs.

 

Merlin nodded enthusiastically.

“I have, I do, guess why I'm queer,” he grinned but sobered up very quickly.

“I just wish you'd told me,” he mumbled and looked at the fast approaching front door to their building.

“I mean, just telling me wouldn't mean I'd start molesting you instantly.”

 

“It would mean you'd wait a couple of days? How very gentlemanly of you,” Arthur tried to lighten the mood but the flash of hurt crossing Merlin's face immediately made him realised that his intentions had backfired.

“I'm sorry, I should have told you. Especially with the Dan situation, but full disclosure? I am not really _out..._ to a lot of people. It's really hard to... admit it. For me. Took me a year to tell Gwaine and we were as thick as thieves from day one. My dad still doesn't know, it's just... keeping it inside has become second nature to me.”

 

When he next looked at Merlin, he saw understanding and a small smile.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Arthur nodded.

“So, summer rolls?” he asked when they reached their respective doors.

 

Merlin grinned and nodded.

“See you in 30?”

“Make it 20. And bring a film you want to see.”

 

Merlin nodded once more and vanished inside of his apartment.

 

Arthur sighed as he put the key in his own lock. He walked in and started preparing for dinner.

He was confused. He didn't know why he had said what he had said, only that he hadn't been this honest with a person in... a while. Especially with a person he hadn't known that long well, _personally_.

The only thing he was very very sure of is that it had felt so incredibly right.

 


	7. Chapter 7

When Merlin walked through Arthur's door 19 minutes later, he seemed to be in a much better mood than he had been all day. Arthur was wondering whether or not the reason for his good mood was their discussion on the way back. Whatever it was, Arthur liked it. He smiled.

“Hey, just in time,” he mumbled while rolling up the last of the rice paper.

Merlin stood in front of him, watching. Arthur got a little nervous to be regarded that closely, so all he could do was use some humour.

“Do you want a photo, or why do you keep staring at me?”

Only then, Merlin seemed to be pulled out of his stupor. He grinned widely before setting down the bottle of white whine he held in his hand.

“Could I? That would be lovely. Cooking makes you look so... soft. For example the apron...”

“Hey,” Arthur protested, tugging at the colourful striped apron he wore around his waist.

“Don't insult it, it is serving me very well, thank you very much.”

There was a twinkle in Merlin's eye and not for the first time, Arthur asked himself if what they were doing was to be considered flirting.

“No, no I like it,” Merlin paused, “love it even.”

He then coloured a little and looked away. Arthur was too engrossed in his task of putting the summer rolls onto plates and missed it.

“Yeah? I bet you do,” Arthur said, eyes still downcast. He was glad to have something to do with his hands or else he knew that he would blush instantly. He didn't even know when he had started blushing so much, just that he did whenever Merlin was around.

“Who doesn't love a good apron.”

Merlin giggled but it sounded nervous. Arthur didn't want him to sound nervous so he decided to drop the subject. He washed his hands before taking the two plates and various dips to the sofa.

“So, what are we watching?” he asked while untying the apron and hanging it up beside the mini-stove.

When there was no answer from Merlin, Arthur turned around to look at his friend questionably and found him staring again.

“Merlin?”

“Huh, yeah?”

“You alright?”

Another blush.

“Yeah, sure, yeah, quite alright.”

He hastily grabbed the bottle of wine and asked Arthur for an opener and glasses. Arthur just pointed in the direction of his cuboard and watched Merlin closely. Somehow, there was tension between them. Arthur didn't know whether it was good or bad, he just knew it was there. Maybe wine wasn't the worst idea Merlin's ever had. To underline his point (and to test the water), he casually leaned against the wall.

“Glad you brought wine. But be careful, white wine makes me slutty.”

He looked at Merlin pointedly but he just smiled.

“Is that good or bad?”

Arthur shrugged.

“Depends.”

“On?”

“Whether or not you like it.”

Arthur was sweating, a lot. Especially since seconds ticked by without an answer from Merlin. He probably blew it. He blew it, right? How and when did he become this awkward? He wasn't sure what that was about. When he was younger, he had been quite the ladies man. But since he had found out about his... preferences, he wasn't nearly as smooth.

“Well, I'll just have to wait and see, won't I?”

Merlin finally said and Arthur breathed out relieved.

“What are we watching, then?”

This seemed to break the tension somewhat because Merlin grinned and grabbed a DVD box from the counter.

“Sex and the City season One, my friend. I'm feeling Charlotte-y.”

Arthur had actually never seen the show but he was up for it.

Hell, if Merlin had brought Sharknado 2, Arthur would have probably thought it the best idea ever. If Gwaine would bring it along on the other hand...

He settled down on the sofa, taking one of the plates and biting into one of his rolls.

With his mouth full, he smiled at Merlin who looked at him strangely again.

“Not to flatter myself but these are really good.”

He took another bite.

Merlin mumbled something to himself and Arthur thought he was able to make out the words 'sexual' and 'obscene' at one point but he couldn't know fore sure. Instead, he just took another bite. By then, all of his freshly made lemon sauce dripped down his chin.

“Jesus, this is messy,” he mumbled and stood back up to get a paper towels for the two of them.

When he came back, Merlin was just about to take a bite of his roll himself and alright, Arthur had to admit, making summer rolls hadn't been his best idea. It did look kind of sexual. How had he never noticed?

He quickly put the towels down and started the DVD, mostly to have something to do and to look at anything that wasn't Merlin. _And_ to will his unwelcome blush away.

“Uh, Arthur, these are really good!”

Yeah, no, when he looked over to his friend, the blush was back in full force. Lemon sauce was running down Merlin's cheek and he chewed on his piece of roll almost sinfully.

“Thanks,” Arthur croaked out and grabbed one of the paper towels. He leaned over and swiped the sauce off Merlin's cheek. They both froze. Arthur was so close to Merlin's face, that he could feel his breath on his own cheek. He knew he should move away but he just couldn't. They looked into each other's eyes (and no, Arthur would absolutely not use the word 'gaze' to describe the moment), until Merlin's eyes flickered down to Arthur's mouth.

Arthur gulped nervously and finally moved away.

"You, er, sauce," he stammered and looked back at the TV screen, determinded to keep his eyes on it for the rest of the evening.

He felt Merlin fidget right next to him but resolutely kept his eyes fixed on the show. 

"Thanks," he finally heard Merlin mumble and that was that.

Awkward moment over.

Arthur stayed true to his resolution and didn't take his eyes off the screen for the next three hours. The next time, he looked at anything that wasn't the four friends (or any of their conquests), was when he felt a weight on his shoulder.

When he glanced over, he saw that Merlin had fallen asleep and his head had rolled to the side, right onto his shoulder. Arthur suppressed a giggle just as Merlin moved again, groaned and stretched until he lay on the couch properly, legs dangling over the side and his head firmly nestled on Arthur's lap.

He didn't think the blush he was currently sporting was going away anytime soon. He was tempted to just jump up, to escape the situation but he was just as tempted to run his hands through Merlin's soft looking hair.

In the end, instinct number two won and he started to stroke Merlin's hair softly.

At one point, Merlin made a sound in the back of his throat that almost sounded like a purr and Arthur had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

What was he going to do?

He was in way too deep.

When he looked down at the innocently looking boy from next door, he felt such a rush of affection that it scared him.

All he wanted was to keep Merlin by his side forever. Or at least keep the other boy from harm. He couldn't even believe that there were people out there who would want to harm this sweet creature but Dan was probably only one example.

Arthur was too afraid to ask about the time Merlin cried in his apartment.

Was too afraid to ask whether he was feeling better now.

He wanted to but he wasn't sure if Merlin wanted him to. It kind of ate him up inside. He just wanted to be there for him and couldn't stop thinking about the incident lately. Arthur wanted to be there for Merlin, love him, stroke his hair and kiss him.

That was the worst. The strong urge to kiss Merlin. Had the hand-towel-moment lasted any longer, Arthur would probably have lost his restraint. He would have just leaned over and... He couldn't think about that now.

He just didn't know how he was able to resist sometimes but he felt like he had to. He absolutely didn't want Merlin to walk out of his life so he kind of felt like he had to treat him similar to a scared kitten.

 _His_ scared kitten.

If Merlin wanted to be just friends, Arthur would be fine with it. As long as Merlin came over and watched Sex and the City with him. As long as he fell asleep in his lap. Arthur was happy.

 


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Arthur woke up, he already felt the crick in his neck. And Jesus Christ, did that hurt. He immediately felt the loss of Merlin's head on his lap and looked around himself, hoping to see the younger boy still about somewhere.

“Merlin?” he finally just asked.

It was dark outside so Arthur guessed that Merlin had gone home after waking up. He probably was a bit shocked at waking up on Arthur's lap, he'd imagine, but he still felt a little bit disappointed by the lack of a goodbye message. He checked his phone, just in case, but despite a couple of texts from Gwaine and his sister? Nothing. He glanced at the illuminated digits which told him that it was just after four am in the morning and sighed.

Arthur started to clean up their dinner.

He couldn't stop thinking about Merlin leaving without saying anything. A text would have been enough but nothing. He started obsessing over whether or not he had done something wrong and cursed himself for letting Merlin sleep on his lap. What was he thinking? If he had just shoved him away, this probably wouldn’t have happened. Merlin wouldn’t have left. He hoped. He would apologise to him in the morning. In the meantime, he felt very much like discussing his conundrum with someone. He dialled Gwaine's number. His friend was probably asleep but Gwaine had woken him up more than once for far stupider reasons.

“'ello?”

“Gwaine, good, you’re up,” Arthur said cheerfully into the receiver.

“What the hell, Arthur? Do you know what time it is?”

“I do but I'm sad and you're my friend and therefore you will listen anyway.”

Arthur could make out a muffled groan before hearing Gwaine's sleepy voice say:

“Get on with it so I can go back to bed.”

 

Arthur told him everything there was to say about the evening. Told him about their little moment, Merlin falling asleep on top of him, told him about their shopping trip and their awkward attempt at conversation. He was just going in for a ramble, when Gwaine interrupted him:

“Would you please just shut up,” he cried.

“This is not... you two are such idiots. You have the hots for each other and keep pining like you're a whole bloody pine tree. Your stupidity phisically hurts me in more than one places and I will absolutely refuse to continue to listen to you until you have snogged the living daylight out of your neighbour.”

With that, he hung up.

“Rude,” Arthur mumbled at his phone, feeling a bit offended, before there was a knock on his door. He went to open it. He was a bit wary of who it would be, seeing as that it was in the middle of the night.

 

“Merlin,” he breathed when he saw the other boy's face.

“I need-” he hiccuped “-to talk to you.”

Merlin swayed a little and shoved past Arthur to get to the couch.

“Mmmm, dizzy,” he commented and let his head roll back on a sofa cushion.

Irritated, Arthur closed the door.

“Merlin, are you drunk?”

Only then did Merlin seem to register where he was and started giggling.

“Arthur, my bro. My brother, the dude. The bromeister.”

Arthur rolled his eyes at that. Even in this state, he would use those names.

“What did you do, Merlin?” he asked more than a little concerned.

Merlin looked at him glassy eyed.

“How much did you have to drink? _Why_ did you drink in the first place?”

Merlin groaned and closed his eyes.

“What do you think,” he slurred.

“I wake up, head in your lap. Being all fucking domestic with you only to remember... to remember...” he cut off and Arthur furrowed his brow.

“To remember what?”

“That you like this bro. This, this dude. I don' even know his name.”

Arthur hurried to get some water out of his fridge and left over pizza.

He didn't like to get drunk. He loved beer and wine but getting drunk wasn't for him. He didn't even like being tipsy and from what he had understood, neither did Merlin. He had no idea how the two of them had ended up here, only that pizza and water should help.

“Here,” he said, sitting down next to Merlin on the sofa.

He wasn't really sure what Merlin was upset about. Was he upset about waking up in Arthur's lap because he didn't want to be there, or... Arthur didn't even want to continue that thought. But it almost seemed as if Merlin thought that Arthur had talked about someone that wasn't Merlin on their shopping trip. It almost seemed as if Merlin was jealous but that couldn't be, could it?

“Drink,” he held the glass of water up to Merlin's lips and he drank slowly. Next, he held up the pizza slice.

“You feedin' me?”

“Are you in any state to feed yourself?”

Merlin giggled.

“'s so fucking domestic.”

“You've got a mouth on you," Arthur remarked a bit suprised and continued, "Yeah and what's wrong with domestic?”

Arthur didn't know what had gotten into his friend. Merlin slowly opened his eyes and looked at Arthur intently.

“Everything.”

His eyes settled on Arthur's lips and Arthur swallowed hard. There was this tension again.

He didn't know what to do with it, didn't know whether he liked it or not.

Okay, of course he liked it. He liked everything to do with Merlin.

Merlin slowly leaned forward, getting a little cross-eyed the closer he came to Arthur's face.

“Merlin,” Arthur whispered.

“What are you doing?”

His friend didn't even answer, instead, he pressed his lips to Arthur's. Slowly at first but it became more and more demanding.

For a second, Arthur melted into the kiss. He enjoyed the feeling of Merlin's hand taking hold of his neck, bringing them even closer together.

He felt like he was about to explode with happiness. He felt Merlin's lips on his, his hand in his neck, the other one in his hair. He felt Merlin's waist underneath his fingers and he could taste...

Arthur startled away, jumping off the couch and looking at Merlin in shock. Merlin was drunk and from the tast of his lips, he didn't get drunk on beer or wine, he tasted of something much stronger.

“I can't do this.”

Merlin looked up at him like a kicked puppy.

“'m I that disgusting to you?”

Arthur closed his eyes and messed up his hair with his hand in a nervous gesture.

“Of course not.”

“The' why won' you kiss me?”

Merlin whined and it took everything Arthur had to will himself to keep standing, to keep away, not to give in.

“Honestly? You can come kiss me anytime when you're sober. But I am not going to take advantage of you drunk.”

Merlin sunk deeper into the sofa. He didn't look like he had listened to a thing Arthur had said.

“You don' wanna kiss me.”

“Not right now, no.”

“I'm gross.”

“I told you, I want to kiss you when you are sober. When I am sure that you want it. Not like this.”

But Merlin didn't even listen anymore. There was a small snore coming from him and Arthur sighed.

He heaved Merlin up and carried him to his own bed. He placed a glass of water on the bedside table for when Merlin woke up and he himself went to sleep on the couch instead. It wasn't comfortable but he had a crick in his neck anyway, so the sofa could try it's worst.

He fell asleep, dreaming of soft lips and exploring hands. Messed up hair and bright blue eyes, matching a blinding smile.

He just hoped it would all sort itself out in the morning.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Merlin was gone.

Arthur paced up and down his own apartment in frustration.

Not even a note! No nothing!

This just wouldn't do. He grabbed his keys and went over to Merlin's apartment. He didn't even care about his state of undress at the moment (he just had gotten up after all). He had kissed his long time crush and tried to be the better man only for said long time crush to just leave him in the middle of the night?

He knocked on Merlin's door and with every passing second in which there was no sound or movement on the other side, Arthur grew more and more impatient.

“Merlin?”

He knocked again.

“Are you in there?”

He knocked twice. Nothing.

He went back into his own room after spending another couple of minutes just standing awkwardly in front of his neighbour's door.

He went to sit on his sofa and ruffled his hair.

Next try: Calling him.

It went straight to voicemail.

Arthur sent several texts to Merlin. He could see that he'd seen and read them but he hadn't replied. 

He groaned in frustration.

“Bloody idiot,” he cussed as he went into the bathroom and got properly dressed.

Feeling a bit better about himself (he wasn't the biggest fan of his own bedhead), he called Gwaine. He would know what to do.

 

“He kissed you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you stopped it...”

“Yeah.”

“Because you're a gentleman.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. Why did he choose a best mate who was the master of making simple things complicated?

“Yeah.”

“And now he doesn't talk to you.”

“Yes, Gwaine, now he doesn't talk to me.”

“Hm.”

Arthur wanted to throw his phone against the wall in frustration.

He had doubted himself all along. Doubted whether he was good enough for Merlin. Whether Merlin could ever like him that way. Now, all he wanted to do was shake Merlin. Because yes, he was pretty sure Merlin wanted him that way (e.g. the kiss). He was pretty sure that him and Merlin would be a-freaking-mazing together if Merlin could just listen to him for one second. He told Gwaine that he was no help at all and just pressed the red button on his phone.   


 

After he hung up with Gwaine, he texted Merlin a couple of times again.

He could hear the other boy moving about his flat, even though he obviously tried to be quiet. No loud music, no singing.

Arthur tried it one more time. He got off his bed and walked over to Merlin's door. He knocked.

“You realise that I am able to hear you move around in there.” 

He knew he was sounding mad. He was mad. So bloody mad.

“Merlin? If you don't talk to me now I will make you.”

Nothing.

Arthur stormed back into his own room and looked around himself, trying to form an idea of how to make Merlin talk to him. His eyes landed on his own small balcony. Too small for him to use it. He could only stand on there, sitting would already be difficult. But he knew that every apartment had one. Balcony that was. He walked outside and the wind messed his hair up as he tried to calculate the distance from his to Merlin's balcony. They weren't exactly close to each other but not so far as to make Arthur not get up on his railing and climb over to Merlin's. He landed with a thud. He felt an adrenaline rush when he looked back down. He really shouldn't have done that. He could have fallen.

But since he was already there, he started knocking on Merlin's door. This time from the other side of the apartment. He could see Merlin's shocked face through the glass and decided to give him a small wave. He motioned for him to open the door and shouted:

“Whenever you're ready”, so he would be heard over the wind. 

Merlin rushed to open the door.

“Are you mental?” he screamed at him.

“What the hell have you been thinking? He looked down to take in the hight and the distance to the ground.

“You could have hurt yourself... you could have killed yourself!”

Arthur needed Merlin to shut up. 

He was going all mother hen on him and this wasn't exactly how he had planned this encounter. So he just grabbed Merlin by the back of his neck and crashed their mouth's together. Merlin made a small sound in the back of his throat and it took him a few seconds until he shoved Arthur away.

“Arthur! What?”

Merlin looked at him with wide eyes. 

Arthur slowly walked into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

When he turned back around to face Merlin, he was still looking at him in absolute shock. 

“What, you don't want to kiss me?” he asked mockingly.

Merlin immediately went beetroot red.

“Is this your revenge? Really?”

Arthur rolled his eyes.

“What revenge, Merlin? Revenge for what? For you leaving without so much as a note?”

Merlin cast his eyes downward, as if his floor was the most fascinating thing in the world.

“I thought you wanted me to leave.”

Arthur was exasperated. Absolutely and utterly exasperated.

“If I had wanted you to leave, I would have said so.”

“But I kissed you and you obviously... I mean... You didn't...”

“You were too drunk to even listen properly. What were you even thinking getting that drunk?”

Merlin shrugged.

“I don't know,” he said loudly, suddenly there was a fire in his eyes.

“Maybe it was the fact that I woke up with my head in the lap of this super hot guy who liked guys but who apparently doesn't like me. I was frustrated and sad and wallowing in self-pity!”

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose.

“God, you are so stupid sometimes.”

“Stupid, me?”

Merlin was getting louder and louder and soon the two of them were screaming at each other. Trying to be louder than the other.

“Yes, you. You are a bloody moron. If you would have just said something...”

“What would you have done, Arthur, huh? Would you have kissed me? Out of pity? Would you have made me believe that there was something when there wasn't? You couldn't even tell me you're gay!”

“No, because I didn't want to have to admit that I was head over heels in fucking love with you, you absolute idiot!”

And then, everything was silent and the two of them just stared at each other.

“What,” Merlin cleared his throat, “what did you say?”

Suddenly, Arthur was nervous and scratched the back of his neck. 

“You heard me.”

He was blushing furiously and he didn't know if he could repeat himself without throwing up.

“Did you just say you're in love with me?”

Arthur nodded.

“Since when?”

He shrugged.

“Since you moved in? Since you came over and introduced yourself and smiled at me like the sun? Since the first day you started singing along to cheesy music in your bedroom, which by the way, is directly opposite mine.”

Merlin looked at him in wonder.

“Why did you never say anything?”

He almost whispered.

Arthur shrugged again.

“I didn't know what to say. I thought that there was no way that you would like me. I tried to protect myself from heartbreak.”

Merlin snorted.

“You're stupid.”

That made Arthur laugh.

“Now I'm the stupid one?”

Merlin nodded.

“Do you even know how hot you are? I was afraid you were able to hear the quiver in my voice the first time I talked to you because you're amazing. I was absolutely astonished that you would even give me the time of day.”

Arthur laughed again.

“Right... so. In conclusion, we're both idiots? We actually like each other?”

Merlin grinned.

“I don't know about like, I think I have heard the word love...?”

Arthur rolled his eyes but nodded, small smile forming on his face.

“I did say love.”

“In that case, we love each other. Now, can we try that thing again where we smush our faces together, this time without any one of us running away?”

Arthur didn't know if there was anything he wanted more.

He quickly invaded Merlin's personal space and cupped his face. He stroked Merlin's cheek with his thumb before leaning in and pressing several soft kisses to Merlin's lips. They became longer and more passionate with every kiss and soon, Arthur thought his head was full of air.

They really have been idiots, he realised. 

The worst of them all. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guuuuuys, this is the last one! Thank you so much for sticking with me through this <3 I have appreachiated and adored every kudo and every comment. Thank you so much!


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